At first I thought of college just as simple as my previous educational levels but I was unquestionably wrong. I soon found myself unable to pick the course I am to take and enrollment is just in three days! I scanned the list of courses offered by the university attached in the result of grades and still I’m undetermined. I told my sister I’m taking up Computer Science but she opposed. I.T.? HRM? Fine arts? FTW! I even did draw lots and Computer Engineering topped it but my high school grade didn’t meet their requirement so I looked for another. I don’t even know why I focused on the engineering part! That time, my sister’s boyfriend was a Civil Engineering student; they convinced me that I can make it in that course. I was unsure but at the back of my mind it is indeed a COOL course so CE made it to my list together with the computer course I’ve originally planned. I remembered my best friend and asked what course she will take. Incidentally, she’s planning to take CE too. So that’s a plus to CE. Until enrollment came, papa accompanied me to that school. That time, I was still unsure of what to take. I’m feeling hopeless already but I’m just hiding it. At home they know I’m fully determined to take CE but I know how underprivileged I was in math! And that bothers me so much inside but I want to make mama and papa proud so I entered the COOL course. Having my bestfriend as a classmate became my harness in this journey but fate again interfered, my friend and I are in different sections! To make the long story short, I enteres Bachelor of Science in Civil Engineering with pure confidence and boast outside as I write my year and section in a class card in the first day of school and a bunch of uncertainty inside.
Today, I’m in third year and I can say I really traveled sooooo far. In that three years I thought of failing and giving up twice as I think I can make it. A couple or two in our batch already have gone but here I am a third year regular student of this HELL course –REGULAR and still able to blog, do PhtoShop (by the way, I pursued learning PhotoShop), worship Owl City and sing with Tayor Swift but my academic performance is poor. Yes, I’m able to cope up but the sleepless nights of unfinished MATH homeworks, hardcore SURVEYING exams, topics I didn’t fully understood (but I am ashamed to admit it) make me severely, literally crazy!!
Now I’m envious with my high school classmates who took the course that they really wanted. Be it cool or not. I can now say that the COOLest course in the world in the course that wouldn’t make you blog, PhotoShop or focus on anything unnecessary for your studies if you still have a plate to draw. The COOLest course will make you happy. It will make you feel that studying is fun and will make you want to go to school everyday. The COOLest course is the one that you really want. I regret giving away the opportunity I got on choosing the course to take. At this moment, I really, really want to go back in time and ignore my sister’s opposition about me taking Computer Science or me letting myself be fooled by the image that I will get if I entered this complicated engineering course. I’m giving up now. Another zero in this Higher Surveying exam and I am out of this course. I swear.
I don’t understand but I do. I am willing to have sleepless nights again but not like this anymore. I am willing to take the rough road but with an eagerness to make it. Not with the doubt in inside that if I fail, people will hate me. I want to feel the frustration of failing and the enthusiasm of trying again for the things that I really want to achieve not just for the sake of meeting the deadline and following a bossy group leader. I want to strive hard for the things that I really want! I know I am suffering in this course for three years already but all I did was to think about what people will say if I give up. I considered what others might think but I didn’t take into account how hard it will take for me to gain their applause. I don’t know but time really flies so fast. Now, I’m in the realization that I am really in the wrong path. This is not my journey! A mistake made three years ago is haunting me and it’s making me pay the consequences. So before any dreams are broken again, I write this.
Please don’t be a victim. Choosing your course is indeed choosing your future already. Think about what makes you happy before considering what others might think about you. You may have what the world regards as the easiest course and people may laugh at you but if it makes you happy, in the future it will bring you to the best place you are supposed to be, far from the prejudicial stares of the public. Frustrations and dim situations may come but choose to follow your heart. Take time to comprehend about what your heart truly desires. Weigh your priorities and learn where you are good at. Do not be ashamed of your chosen course if that’s what you really want. I tell you, it is indeed 100 times harder to do things you are not really passionate about.
I hope this post or even just the thought of it reaches the people concerned. I could just wish.