Well, if the quotation marks aren’t enough for a disclaimer, let me just say that I only used this expression to express the thought that I was writing about them and then his name suddenly popped up my Facebook page and do not mean anything to relate him to “the devil”. I just hope we’re clear here.
Okay. Well… I never planned for this kind of introduction but since we’re here, let’s just keep going.
If you happen to read my blog about my job, you must have already known that there are two persons whom I already considered as my “most-valued” friendst there. We have only known each other for a few weeks but I really felt sad when they have to transfer to another shift leaving me with the other trainees.
I may sound rude but I am sure the others can notice this already. That I treat these two a little different than theirs. They don’t even care at all. Which makes my work a little lighter.
And so there. I am writing this because I can’t find any other way to express my sadness-covered-by-i-can-do-it-facade. I used to be an extrovert locked inside a shy-at-first girl’s body. In every conversation, I was never expected to provide the topic or sustain the flow of it but as I know the person, I get comfortable and further unleashing my extrovertedness. I am noisy, silly. I react on impulse. I am childish.
I love people. It’s just that I am poor when it comes to nurturing the relationship. I always feel that I annoy every person that I talk to and these two, I know I have never been so wrong on my theory. I know I annoy them by my constant attempts of being close to them. I am but a happy kid when even for the last time, we spent time together and took pictures that somehow showed the playful side of us just like before, when my childishness hasn’t crossed the line of their patience.
I don’t know what to say anymore. I really just want to pour out my emotions. Like how I miss them. So much.
I used to go outside our building with Jedi to buy pizza kariman at a nearby Ministop. I used to have lunch breaks with RK. I used to be so happy during our shift because I can talk to them through this official messenger of the company called Spark. I used to be excited to go to work to see them. I used to loiter with RK as we savor the remains of our one hour break —- mostly at TL Nathan’s station where I stopped going to now during lunch.
Now, everything has changed. I have never eaten a kariman since, I microwave my food alone, I go back to my station after eating, I lost interest in Spark. Miserable might be a very big word but during the first days, it really felt close to it. I am sorry for the other people around me because I always look for the ones not around. I don’t know but it’s just really hard to accept because like what I’ve said, I valued them so much already.
So much that I have written it here where the whole WWW can read about how unhappy I am at this point in my career life.
I know. I believe. I envision. That one day, I’ll be able to get by. If they can they so can I. There will come a time when I’ll look back at this post and just laugh at myself on how emotional I have become towards these two persons whom I have once shared a great friendship with.